I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize