so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
