I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
These tits shall not be calmed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize