You can't special order awesome
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
