i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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