my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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