it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
