i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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