WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
