forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
