she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
