What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
