i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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