3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
