my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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