Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
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