So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
