Me too!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
