You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
