I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
