Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
