At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
