I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize