you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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