It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
