I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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