Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
