so explain again why im purple
no
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
