I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My penis needs a shock collar
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
