We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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