she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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