His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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