i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He kissed a someone with a penis
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
3pm strippers are depressing
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
