next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
