Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
