So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
