Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
