Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
we're so committed to being not committed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
