Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
