I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
