Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize