Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
