She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
