She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
