We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
