if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
