i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
