My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
