it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
