sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
