She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
