Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
