I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
