if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
