Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
