I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
