Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How external is "for external use only"?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
