I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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