I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
