Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize