so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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