Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
