If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
