i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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