i can't believe i had my finger in that
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
