I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
