I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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