So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
