Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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