My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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