White coat. Heels.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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