i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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